Of midlife, midriff and a meditation on rest of life

“Mom, read this book, you will love it!,” said my teenage daughter enthusiastically. I glanced at the cover of the book and handed it back to her. It almost felt unfair to out rightly put the book down and say that this best seller doesn’t interest me anymore. I replied “Thanks beta, will definitely do after I finish the current one.”

“Which book are you reading these days?” she asked inquisitively. I paused for a moment and hesitantly showed her the cover of the book. Parts of the title read, “The Ancient Science of Mantras.” She looked bewildered at me. “Really mom! Ancient Mantras! Is that what you’re reading these days? What happened?”

For a person who wouldn’t pick anything other than best sellers and popular book club titles, reading a rather obscure book about the ancient knowledge of mantra surely marked a change.

Beating around the bush, looking for an answer myself, I wondered, what had happened?

The other day I revamped my wardrobe, pulling out all the tight-sits - pretty- at- the-waist kinds of outfits, replacing them with bohemian style, relaxed fits. The body must have finally thanked me for letting go of those bodycon dresses which demanded that I suck in the belly and take half breaths for that perfect look.

Driving in my car last weekend, the whole family dozed off as my Spotify belted out deep soulful Sufi music that I was joyously listening to. It was a far cry from the usual Bollywood top charts that would usually blare in my car before, mostly just to keep up with the trends.

The shift in my food palette was notable too. Of late, I’d been wearing the sash of being herbivore queen in the house. Keeping the typical heavy Punjabi food at bay, I was feasting on veggies and fruits. Even the husband was not spared in this regard, his favorite methai being replaced by a red apple for a dessert.

What was going on? Was there any pattern between these changes? Were they indicative of something I was not aware of? Or, was I suddenly getting old, too early, too soon?

Oh, dear. Before my hair completely turns grey and my teenager graduates from school, it was time to assess the situation.

45! A number in life, that neither holds the excitement of starting a new decade nor the maturity of becoming a quinquagenarian. One is in middle of life, dealing with oddballs thrown in here and there. The hustle bustle of family life, jobs, social engagements, lifestyle and health issues. Ah! The grind of everyday life! Adulting felt like being a hamster on the wheel all the time.

Where was the time to pause?

A few days back my girlfriend passed along this forwarded “Whatsapp gyan” which actually caught my attention. It read, “I’m at that point in my life where I don’t have time for games. Either be real or be gone!”

How true was that. And how exhilarating. Half of my energies would not be depleted if only I focused on things that were necessary, meaningful and rewarding.

That was it! “Either be real or be gone.” This quote from so called ‘karma bitch’ slammed right in my face igniting a desire to set some changes in. As if I was waiting for this moment to fix my midlife burnout.

“Svadhyaya,” a word mentioned by dad (who is an avid practitioner of yoga) had made little sense to me until now. Harking back on the ancient knowledge and wisdom of the sages, I was ready to dig into it.

Upanishads and Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra greatly emphasizes the importance of “Svadhyaya,” which directly translates to “self-study.” It is the art of contemplative meditation, where you take some time to reflect and bring awareness to your thoughts, actions, emotions, feelings, subconscious programming, conscious choices -all of which are often pushed aside to attend to our daily responsibilities.

There is no better way to declutter your mind, body, and soul than by just by paying attention to all that we do in our daily life. We do so many things just to please people. We are afraid of rejection even in saying a polite ‘no.’ We don’t value our time or just do things because it is trendy and everyone else is doing so.

Just by giving a few minutes every day to focus on what we did and what decisions we could have made better also helps draw the mind away from outward-going tendencies, silencing the crowd of thoughts, and ultimately nudges us towards inner harmony.

Paying attention to what you wear, seemed like a good starting point, hence the revamping of wardrobe. Removing those pretty “party stunner” dresses was like weeding out the “unnecessaries” out of my life. If I could not breathe deeply under the comfy layers, what good were they hanging in my closet?

The same thought applied to food that was not nourishing, music that was not

soulful, books that were not insightful, social engagements that were not uplifting, even chatting on Whatsapp that was redundant.

These were small baby steps but necessary to assess where one stood in life and in what direction it was heading. It definitely helped in carving out some extra time to pause and fill the mundane days with fulfilling moments. Especially if you start at 45, there is a whole lot of room for growth and miles to go on that journey.

Divya Swami Attri is a visual arts educator, an artist and a freelance writer based in Princeton, New Jersey

https://www.indiaabroad.com/blogs/of-midlife-midriff-and-a-meditation-on-rest-of-life/article_bcb9315c-4085-11e9-a3de-0778020f7c40.html

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The Nine Sacred Days

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http://www.tribuneindia.com/2000/20001001/spectrum/main7.htm

The nine sacred days By Divya Swami Attri MOST of us go to temples during navratras to worship Goddess Durga, but not many of us are  aware of the philosophical significance behind it. It is believed that there are 40 navratras in a year (40x9=360), out of whichChaitra - Sukla  (March - April) and Asvin - Sukla (September - October) are the most important for  devi worship. According to Devi Bhagwat Puran, "The two seasons, autumn and spring,  are known as the teeth of Yama, the God of Death". The beginning of summer and  beginning of winter have the right weather and solar influences and are taken as  sacred opportunities for worship. Durga Puja or Navratri commences on the first and ends on the tenth day of the  bright half of Asvin Sukla. It celebrates the victory of Durga over Mahisasura,  the buffalo-headed demon. The tenth day is called Vijayadashmi or Dasehra  and is also the day when Rama defeated Ravana. Das means ten sins and  Harameans to remove, and so Dasehra celebrates the cutting of ten heads  of Ravana associated with passion, pride, anger, greed, lust, infatuation,  hatred, jealous, selfishness and crookedness. Because of its auspicious  character, Hindu kings in ancient times used to undertake ambitious expeditions  on this day. In Rajasthan, even now, people arrange mock attacks on some forts  on Vijayadashmi.

Religious observances, festivals and traditional worship are  more important than the adoration of the Divine. Apart  from commemorating important events in history, they  are allegorical when interpreted from a mythological standpoint. On a spiritual level, navratras symbolise the stage of man’s  evolution into God-- from Jivahood (state of individualisation)  to Sivahood (state of self realisation). Navratras can be divided into three sets of three days each,  dedicated to the three different aspects of the Goddess. First,  she is adorned as Durga, the Terrible, where she fights  against and overcomes the base animal qualities of the  individual. It marks the destruction of impurity and  evil tendencies in one’s mind. The next step is to acquire  positive qualities and build a sublime spiritual  personality by worshipping Lakshmi, who bestows the  divine wealth on her devotees. The worship of Saraswati  in the last three days is to receive the  light of supreme wisdom. Vijayadashmi, on the tenth day,  marks the triumph of the soul at having attained liberation  while living in this world. Even the images, their various forms, attributes, symbols  and weapons have a esoteric meaning with deep  philosophical significance. The worship of the image  of Durga indicates the victory of the soul over animal  passions -- the demon personifies passions, desire,  anger, pride, jealousy and attachment. This victory is  achieved with the help of Saraswati (higher knowledge)  Ganesha (determination for success) and Lakshmi  (good fortune).  They are the companions of Durga. The various weapons in the hands of Durga also have  their significance. The trident given to her by  Shiva represents satva, rajas and tamas qualities,  the discus given by Vishnu represents rotation of the world,  the conch given by Varun relates to sound and symbolises  the sky. Similarly, the bow and arrow given by Maruta  represents Sankhya and Yoga, and the danda given by  Yama is the Rod of Fate. Sun gave her red rays which  is the source of all lust. Destiny presented her with  a sword and a spotless shield, which is symbolic  illusion, necessary for the creation of the world.  , the elephant-headed Ganesha represents inflated  ego or consciousness. ‘I’, Saraswati’s two eyes stand  for the sun and moon, her four arms represents  the four Vedas, rosary represents time and the veena  in her hand stands for all achievements. Lakshmi’s  pot of nectar represents the essence of water,  while lotus in her hand represents wealth,  and the bilva fruit in her hand symbolises  the whole world. This truth should inspire devotees to graduate from  idol worship to Para-Vidya — the highest knowledge in life.

http://www.womensweb.in/articles/thanksgiving-traditions-indian-mom/
http://masalamommas.com/2011/11/22/thankful-for-moms-perspective-on-thanksgiving/

What Are You Thankful For? A Mom’s Perspective on Thanksgiving

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on November 22, 2011 at 4:31 am

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By Divya Swami Attri

“Mama what is our family tradition for Thanksgiving?” my eager 8 year-old daughter asked me with a pronounced emphasis on *our*.Mildly surprised by her curious tone, I gave her a quizzical look, trying to decipher her possible concern. As she went into an explanation mode, giving me all and sundry details of her day at school, it turned out, that it was “the question of the day,” a part of her homework. Every student in her class had to speak about this topic the next day, a share-segment, for the Morning Meeting Activity.  The exact answer to her question flashed upon my mind immediately. But to the tell a second grader to go and say in front of her class that, “ we do NOT have any family traditions for Thanksgiving and therefore I will not participate in the discussion”, was a heartbreaking thought!

As trivial as it may be, I chose not to reveal the fact. Instead, I concocted an impromptu and an ‘instant tradition’ (‘instant’- is my magic mantra these days) for our family on Thanksgiving, which she could share with her classmates, inflating her with confidence about it all.  My daughter went to school the next morning, assured and certain in her mind. However, it left me pondering with many questions that many of us migrants often have to deal with. Should one remain oblivious to the local culture of the place you are currently living in or adhere faithfully to your inherent culture, or try to be the all-inclusive, embracing types, taking both of them in your stride?

After living in three different continents and four different countries in a span of nine years, it felt like going on perpetual cultural absorption, assimilation and preservation spree around the globe! Life has been an assortment of myriad socio-cultural experiences, a mixture of adapting the new fronts, and harboring the old values.

Since the ‘instant tradition’ had been already established, I preferred to stay with an ‘all-embracing’ frame of mind.  In retrospect, in all the previous years that we have been living on the American soil, Thanksgiving for me was only about being thankful for the long weekend. Frankly, there was a lot to like about this rather humbling American tradition. The idea to allot a day in your calendar primarily to express a feeling of gratitude towards whomever one may wish is indeed a noble one.

Thanksgiving remains outside the realms of over commercialization and unlike other festivals; it has nothing much to do with elaborate ritualistic and the materialistic aspects of gifts, costumes, or decorations.   The celebration is simple and undemanding, it is mainly about getting together as a family or with friends, having an elaborate meal (Turkey being the special ingredient), and thanking God (the pilgrims and the harvest) but also expressing gratitude in general to family, friends, pets, house or anything else.

As a typical desi family, we are more of a God-thanking people than human thanking. In innumerable ways, we thank God many times a day. However, in the daily parlance used at our home, the word ‘thank you’ comes in the grandiloquent category.  Knitted in a secure and a strong relationship, we tend to take each other for granted, which has a charm of its own.

Nevertheless, the gratifying experience of a personal acknowledgement by heartfelt kind words of thanks is irreplaceable. Moreover, I genuinely believe that each one of us is worth the honor at least once a year.    A holiday like Thanksgiving, will give us an opportunity to focus on the spirit of gratitude. It will also give us another reason to add, in the repertoire of the many celebrations that we are now accustomed.

So how am I going to celebrate Thanksgiving this year? We will keep it simple. We will cook a sumptuous meal, and with tenderness in heart and humility in mind, will answer the question –‘What are you Thankful for?’

More about Divya Swami Attri:

Divya is an art teacher, wife and a mom of two children living in Princeton, New Jersey. When she’s not teaching art, she’s in the kitchen concocting new recipes or slouching over her laptop trying to give her writing ideas a life. Divya’s articles have been published in international magazines such as India Abroad, Tribune India and India Post

My daughter's first tea party!

http://news.rediff.com/column/2010/jun/02/column-my-daughters-first-tea-party.htm

One of my favorite topics and article - welcome all TEA Lovers to this read!

My daughter's first tea party!

June 02, 2010 03:24 IST

Divya Swami Attri tried to pass on the love for tea to her daughter. Here's what happened next

As a FOB (Fresh of the Boat) immigrant, I zealously carry on my Indian cultural sensibilities, with a lot more gusto then I would have back in India. Seen as a typical FOB syndrome, a lot of desis like me go through this transformation! It is not only for the sake of nostalgia that we cherish and hone our sensitivities towards our diverse and multilayered culture but also because these significant sensibilities are the byproducts of our bringing up which act like branch-roots, spreading in all directions providing us the stability and nourishment needed for our identities in an new land.

My attachment to the foods and drinks that I grew up on goes beyond the standard realms of habit and patronage, insomuch that a humble cup of tea becomes much more than just a cup and its contents. I went through this realization a few weeks back when my eight-year-old daughter received a cordial invitation for a high-end tea party. I surprised myself when I--rather than my daughter--displayed a childlike enthusiasm to the invitation! The concept of a tea party celebration for young girls of her age was certainly not the "in thing" these days. Fearing that she might inadvertently decline it, for the oddity of its nature, I accepted it on her behalf, and cajoled her to go for it.

The reason for this elated reaction was my genuine interest for this humble beverage called Tea, which is also a preferred desi drink, aptly labeled the 'national drink' of India.

Growing up on umpteen cups of tea right from my early childhood has made it a pint-sized but integral part of my desi food habits, which I would like to pass over to my kids. Having enjoyed a fine selection a variety of tea, from premium Darjeeling to fruity Nilgiris, from the strong intensity of desi dudh-patti (milk-and-leaves) to energizing herbal blends, from experimental drinking of spicy sage to exciting mint flavors. I have admired this soothing beverage, regardless of taste, form, and style.

Sipping freshly brewed tealeaves in exquisite silverware surrounded by the cascading green tea plantations of Kalimpong, to drinking in an unbaked clay pot in an overcrowded Indian train compartment are the two broad ends of the many memories that I associate with tea.

Tea is one of the many good things immigrants have bought to the United States. However, I feared that in a coffee loving country, if unexposed to the fine tastes of tea blends, my daughter's food palette would only accept an occasional Chai latté on the go! Attending this tea party would introduce her to this genre of beverage bringing some excitement to her expanding taste buds. Who knows it could even pave the way for her becoming an ardent tea enthusiast in the future.

My daughter went ahead for the party and my keen anticipation began. While I was curious to know her feedback regarding her first 'formal' connection with tea, I mused about my own connections with the tea world.

It is not merely a warm cup of infused green leaves and spicy aromas, for many tea lovers. The entire process of brewing and consuming brims on the verge of a holistic approach. While drinking my cuppa, depending on the circumstances that I am in, my mind switches on to different modes, and the word 'Tea' takes on a more profound statement than a mere commodity.

This is how it goes; in the company of others, tea for me becomes 'The Evergreen Act-of kindness', establishing and sharing a warm relationship. When in solitude, it becomes a time to 'Think Easily Above-all', giving me the ability to recuperate, reflect and reenergize. In headlock situations where I am looking for a break, drinking tea becomes a 'Truly Effective Alternative', giving me a much-required moment to pause. Above all, packed with abundant antioxidants and other stress relieving and energizing qualities it subtly becomes 'The harmless Enjoyable Addiction'!

I stopped musing as I see my daughter cheerfully waving goodbye to her friends. "Mama it was good fun, we learned some rules about table manners, we drank and ate in real chinaware, we learned how to stir without any noise!"

"But how was the tea sweetheart?" I asked her, growing impatient by now.

"Oh no mama, not tea, we had 'pink lemonade' to drink in those pretty cups!" 

Divya is a teacher and freelance writer. She lives with her husband and children in Robbinsville, New Jersey
Illustration: Uttam Ghosh

Divya Swami Attri

Tags: ABCD, Divya Swami Attri, FOB, Uttam Ghosh, Nilgiris

Home sweet home versus fragrances of new soil

October 20, 2010 in Immigration | 2 Comments

We have recently shifted from Robbinsville to Princeton within New Jersey.

With all boxes emptied and cupboards filled I gave myself a pat on the back feeling delighted like kindergarteners just after clean-up time at school.

It was not a new feat. In fact I worked with dexterity of a professional packer, for it was probably the twenty first house I was settling into within a span of a decade. These moves were spread across three continents and four countries and by now I had learned to pack and unpack the entire house within the shortest given notice and swiftness of an army command.

With things quite in control, I settled in for a quieter moment of contemplation to enjoy the new environs. No sooner than I could appreciate a few things of novelty, an inevitable question popped up and distracted my mind. Like jack in the magic box, it sprang up unexpectedly; and asked me – could we finally call it home?

With each move this question has sprung up in one form or the other and time and again, the answer has remained evasive, like an unsolved puzzle. For people belonging to the category of living in house on wheels, such answers don’t come easy.

At some point of time in our respective routes of transition, many immigrants like me have gone through this. As we go transplanting ourselves into a new soil, we seek an inherent desire for some sort of permanency.
Yet this time the calling was stronger, for after years of persistent changes; my heart yearned for more than a modicum of stability. As described beautifully by the author Willa Carther, “the universal human yearning for something permanent, enduring, without a shadow of change,” is what I longed for.

Within minutes of engaging in this thought process, a plethora of related questions swarmed upon me. How would it be to live all your life in one place, where the steady pillars of permanence would keep you rooted. How would it feel to visit the grocery store or hair salon that your mother once went? To live in a place where the roads, parks and even trees become a larger part of your life, radiating familiarity and comfort beyond words?
Ah! The life of a migrant! With a twinge in the heart, I relied on my imagination to seek answers and couldn’t help feeling envious of people who had the prerogative to such stability!

For once uprooted from one’s native place the chain of continuity is broken. We may re-establish ourselves quickly in the new land but the broken links will remain, albeit faded but discernible to ourselves.

If I were the carver of the path of my life’s journey, would I dare to explore any further then the cozy confines of my native place? Probably not. Would I ever regret not doing so? In the long run – certainly!

For getting the opportunities of experiencing the world outside the cozy cocoon has been a blessing in disguise. It has given me a wonderful chance to explore and understand God’s beautiful creations and imaginations around the world.

I cannot simply ignore the quality of nourishment change has brought into our lives. Meandering along what life had to offer, from one bank to another, has been a journey full of enriching insights. The quaint villages of European countries to the new age cities of the US, to the oriental culture of the Middle East to the diversity of the Indian subcontinent , vividly opened up a plethora of hitherto unexplored sights and smells ,customs and religions, varied human interactions and myriad experiences.

Without exploring these vistas, my perspective on life would have been myopic, and befriending change would have been nearly impossible.

All these changes have taught me to embrace one simple fact; that change is the flow of life and one must accept it with open mind and right attitude. It is ‘the only’ constant thing in this world. As author Henry David Thoreau writes “All change is a miracle to contemplate; but it is a miracle which is taking place every instant”. Where stability matters most is within us, inside our heart and mind. Once we are able to stabilize the internal forces then the external changes become secondary.

As I was about to give a final verdict to my probing questions I hear a hurried voice, “Look here honey, you missed out emptying these boxes!” my husband called me from the garage.

With the last remaining boxes finally emptied; I neatly fold and stack them in the storage pile instead of quashing them into the recycling bin. Gently reminding myself to be prepared, just in case the invitation to the next move arrives!

Divya Swami Attri

Tags: Home sweet

That Didn’t Fit Right!

"See a shoe and pick it up and all day long you'll have Good Luck" ( Andy Warhol)

Oh! Those red sole stilettos
Elegant lines,curves to die for

I put my foot to see how they look
Yikes! the lil’ toe pops out!

These flat soles Ferragamo's
Maybe these will fit in snugly
As soon I slide my foot into them
Ouch! I belt out a painful shriek!

I look at the dainty loafers now
So sure they’ll fit in like a glove
Pressed together like polystyrene peanuts
My toes cry out  “Oh, no, no!"

It's the boot's turn now to be tested 
Tall and classy they beseech me
One foot down the other to go
Stop right now!They aren't the right fit!

“The right fit! The right fit!
It fits me fine! ” can I ever say it 
Alas! For a sad shoe lover like me
All I say is “That didn’t quite fit!”

Why is it that no shoe fits me fine
Why do I go through this footwear turmoil  
From clogs to pumps, wedges to heels
What is it that Oh! so bothers me!

Well it is something I was born with

It's called the 6th digit in medical term

It's an additional toe finger
That's affixed permanently on my left one!

Aah! my tiny sixth toe finger
I wish there was a shoe for you
Can’t think of getting you off my foot
Grandma said my luck’s in you!!!

I will continue with  the ‘right fit’ chase 
Just like I have been doing  for years
I know for sure, there’s a shoe out there 
That will make me sing the " #Perfect- fit" cheer!

PS: I am on a perpetual shoe hunting spree until I get my dream shoes! Till that time you may see me happily flip flopping, joyfully hopping donning the most comfortable "Hawaii chappals"! (thong slippers)

Posters : Andy Warhol Shoe Illustrations

Celebrate yourself with a perfect fit. Take the Buttercups quiz @ http://bit.ly/buttercupsquiz and get that perfect fit you deserve. Use GYRF10 to avail a 10% discount

Of Old and New

This article was first published by India Abroad -

http://www.indiaabroad-digital.com/indiaabroad/20110729?pg=39#pg39

“I’m coming home ,I’m coming home ,tell the world that I’m coming home”, I surprise my kids singing along  the catchy chorus. It's a song by  Diddy Dirty Money playing on the radio.The  expressions on their faces –full of cheer, surprise and  a  bit of  bewilderment ,is obvious as their next question for me - how and when did I develop this passion  for rap music?

I look  back in the rear mirror gauging their puzzled minds and smilingly reply back , yes I  like the song ,yes I liked the genre , but it’s the lyrics of the chorus that wakes up the dormant singer in me and inspires me to sing along ! I relate to the song so well because I’m actually going home for a vacation after a very very long time.

The guava tree that I had planted years ago, along my dad, is bearing fruits this season, I am told. The little niece of mine, shy as a ‘touch-me- not’ plant, is now waiting to regale me with juicy gossips about her life in college, the faithful old maid of ours who provided  lifelong services to our household ,has sadly left this world last summer and I will not be able to see her or hear her wisdom packed one line statements. 

 It would be clichéd to say but it’s true that the more life looped me into its tight grip here in the US, the more I became embedded in its web, unable to break away, and time slipped away quickly just like in a sand watch, waiting for no one!

 I plan for my coming trip, with a hearty concoction of emotions, ready to recharge, renew and revisit places and people I had left behind. I hear that the booming India phase has had a positive impact in my town which has given it a new facelift. New landmarks have mushroomed up everywhere wiping out the old ones, changing the city scape like never before.  The big farmer’s market area has turned into a huge glitzy mall, the century old cloth market with shops as ancient as the banyan trees around them now bears the look of modernity with the construction of new multi- storied buildings, the potter’s street and the jewelry baazar are following the suite, I hear.
 The town looks more messed up and chaotic with the incessant construction going on, but the local residents like my parents don’t seem to mind it at all. Embracing the changes like never before they are enjoying and moving along with the new march of development.

Their enthusiasm has filled my heart too and I look forward to experiencing my town with a new set of eyes,ready to replace the old sights, smell and sounds with new ones. Not local lass anymore I would feel like a visitor exploring my own home town after years.  How fun it would be eating golgappa’s and Alphonso soufflé in chic food courts, where McDonald’s and Haldiram’s sweets exists side by side .Or shopping for the local and international brands, within the same roof, all of that and much more without the hassle of travelling around.
 The new Indian shopping experience certainly awaits me! Yet amidst all these changes ,there are a few places that I wish would escape the banner of development -I hope our town people can spare  the beautiful lake, only one in the area, where I spend my childhood learning Yoga and eating Faloda Kulfi’s, and the Herbal park- a green reserves of herbs and medicinal plants where we would flock early summer mornings for a dose of cool oxygen- just in the same way as they have preserved and maintained the numerous big and small temples that have been around since probably before the town began . It would certainly make our town an ideal place where development and preservation can go hand in hand !

 On a personal level I hope my capacity to talk endlessly at hours with family does not wane away after years of practicing politically correct statements!   Talking without inhibitions is so stress busting, almost therapeutic and I sure need a dose!And finally how can I ignore the dreamer in me who yearns to take an ambitious leap back in time to enjoy being that young girl once again, lost in her own loving world, in her parents’ home. Shelving away  roles and responsibilities, how  peaceful it will be go back being the person I once was  even if momentarily!