“Mom, read this book, you will love it!,” said my teenage daughter enthusiastically. I glanced at the cover of the book and handed it back to her. It almost felt unfair to out rightly put the book down and say that this best seller doesn’t interest me anymore. I replied “Thanks beta, will definitely do after I finish the current one.”
“Which book are you reading these days?” she asked inquisitively. I paused for a moment and hesitantly showed her the cover of the book. Parts of the title read, “The Ancient Science of Mantras.” She looked bewildered at me. “Really mom! Ancient Mantras! Is that what you’re reading these days? What happened?”
For a person who wouldn’t pick anything other than best sellers and popular book club titles, reading a rather obscure book about the ancient knowledge of mantra surely marked a change.
Beating around the bush, looking for an answer myself, I wondered, what had happened?
The other day I revamped my wardrobe, pulling out all the tight-sits - pretty- at- the-waist kinds of outfits, replacing them with bohemian style, relaxed fits. The body must have finally thanked me for letting go of those bodycon dresses which demanded that I suck in the belly and take half breaths for that perfect look.
Driving in my car last weekend, the whole family dozed off as my Spotify belted out deep soulful Sufi music that I was joyously listening to. It was a far cry from the usual Bollywood top charts that would usually blare in my car before, mostly just to keep up with the trends.
The shift in my food palette was notable too. Of late, I’d been wearing the sash of being herbivore queen in the house. Keeping the typical heavy Punjabi food at bay, I was feasting on veggies and fruits. Even the husband was not spared in this regard, his favorite methai being replaced by a red apple for a dessert.
What was going on? Was there any pattern between these changes? Were they indicative of something I was not aware of? Or, was I suddenly getting old, too early, too soon?
Oh, dear. Before my hair completely turns grey and my teenager graduates from school, it was time to assess the situation.
45! A number in life, that neither holds the excitement of starting a new decade nor the maturity of becoming a quinquagenarian. One is in middle of life, dealing with oddballs thrown in here and there. The hustle bustle of family life, jobs, social engagements, lifestyle and health issues. Ah! The grind of everyday life! Adulting felt like being a hamster on the wheel all the time.
Where was the time to pause?
A few days back my girlfriend passed along this forwarded “Whatsapp gyan” which actually caught my attention. It read, “I’m at that point in my life where I don’t have time for games. Either be real or be gone!”
How true was that. And how exhilarating. Half of my energies would not be depleted if only I focused on things that were necessary, meaningful and rewarding.
That was it! “Either be real or be gone.” This quote from so called ‘karma bitch’ slammed right in my face igniting a desire to set some changes in. As if I was waiting for this moment to fix my midlife burnout.
“Svadhyaya,” a word mentioned by dad (who is an avid practitioner of yoga) had made little sense to me until now. Harking back on the ancient knowledge and wisdom of the sages, I was ready to dig into it.
Upanishads and Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra greatly emphasizes the importance of “Svadhyaya,” which directly translates to “self-study.” It is the art of contemplative meditation, where you take some time to reflect and bring awareness to your thoughts, actions, emotions, feelings, subconscious programming, conscious choices -all of which are often pushed aside to attend to our daily responsibilities.
There is no better way to declutter your mind, body, and soul than by just by paying attention to all that we do in our daily life. We do so many things just to please people. We are afraid of rejection even in saying a polite ‘no.’ We don’t value our time or just do things because it is trendy and everyone else is doing so.
Just by giving a few minutes every day to focus on what we did and what decisions we could have made better also helps draw the mind away from outward-going tendencies, silencing the crowd of thoughts, and ultimately nudges us towards inner harmony.
Paying attention to what you wear, seemed like a good starting point, hence the revamping of wardrobe. Removing those pretty “party stunner” dresses was like weeding out the “unnecessaries” out of my life. If I could not breathe deeply under the comfy layers, what good were they hanging in my closet?
The same thought applied to food that was not nourishing, music that was not
soulful, books that were not insightful, social engagements that were not uplifting, even chatting on Whatsapp that was redundant.
These were small baby steps but necessary to assess where one stood in life and in what direction it was heading. It definitely helped in carving out some extra time to pause and fill the mundane days with fulfilling moments. Especially if you start at 45, there is a whole lot of room for growth and miles to go on that journey.
Divya Swami Attri is a visual arts educator, an artist and a freelance writer based in Princeton, New Jersey
